sunset
Thursday, August 20, 2009 at 02:06AM I must confess that I have this haunting doubt, this overriding fear, that it all may just fade away... that my life may not count. That I am mortal and forgotten all too soon when I come to an inglorious end. We'd like to think we are headed for some grand celebration. A resounding redemption that will illuminate all of creation. A festive celebration on the deck of the Titanic after the sinking of the ship. We want to see our own Jack Dawson on the stairwell.
I hope it is so.
But in the most solemn of moments, when I am seated on my reclining chair in the serenity of green grass and blue sky I pause. The birds are chirping, the wind is blowing, the chimes are doing their job, and the flowers are getting their best word in before fall...it is beautiful in my backyard.
I drift. In the quiet of my backyard I often wonder if this is the best that can be. Could this be the highlight? When the sun sets on a final day will I close my eyes and fade into the deep blue sea? It is the fear of the conclusion, of finality, of ending, the inner question that plagues us. We don't talk about it and we seldom allow ourselves to think about it.
Am I going to make it or simply fade into dust?
Perhaps it is fueled by Thoreau's remark about quiet desperation, an 'awareness that, before we die, nothing is going to happen. That big vague thing, that redemptive fulfillment, is an illusion, a beckoning bribe to keep us loyal. A symphony has its climax, a poem builds to a burst of meaning, but we are unfinished business. No coming together of strands. The game is called because of darkness'.
Indeed if there be not resurrection we are the most pitied of all creatures for we long for something beyond our reach, just out of our grasp. We long for an eternity, a happy ever after. This is why I am a Christian. To be anything less is a condition I cannot bear. If Christ be not raised we are dust to dust.
The grass withers and the flower fades but the word of the LORD remians forever. The word has been thought to be scripture, the sacred writings. But the word of the LORD is more than that. It is a promise made. It is a promise kept. 'I give you my word' calms my fears.
It becomes personal in my backyard.
Reader Comments (2)
Good words, Daryl. I think I experience something of the same.
nice. i like. we need to hang out at founders again brother.